Drunken Gamer's Inebriated Ramblings

We got a new furbaby today!  Per our pet-naming tradition, we named her after a character from an animated show.  “Claes” is from Gunslinger Girl.  Our other cat hates her guts so we have to keep them separated for now.  We’ve been through the process of introducing another animal to the household before.  I just hope it doesn’t take too long before they start getting along.  She’s so rambunctious it was hard to get a picture of her but here it is.

I’ve been in a funk for a long while and I’ve needed to remind myself to be grateful for all the things I have and people that did things for me.  This morning I got to thinking about a girl I knew back in high school.  She was a nice girl with a nice family.  When I went to her house, I felt free to be a typical teenage girl.  I was so happy I never wanted to leave their house.  I wish I knew if her parents were around.  I'd like to let them know those little glimpses of what a normal family was supposed to be like were a balm for my troubled teenage soul.

I’m also grateful to that girl for expanding my musical tastes.  I grew up in the 70’s when pretty much black people listened to black artists and white people listened to white artists with very little cross over.  She introduced me to AC/DC, Journey, Ozzy Osbourne, Foreigner, Judas Priest, Nazareth, Rush, Iron Maiden, The Scorpions and several other artists.  I hope wherever she is she’s happy and still rockin’.

I seriously overslept this morning. I had planned to get up and have most of my weekend chores completed by now, but I’m still in my pajamas. The alarm sounded but I don’t remember turning it off. I didn’t have the benefit of a kitty alarm because she’s banned from the bedroom. She’s developed a hair ball problem. I’m going to try that black goop that comes in a tube and if that doesn’t work, off to the vet she goes.

I had one of my “quiet house epiphanies” this morning. Though I am loathe to admit it, I have been slacking through existence for the last couple of years. I under perform at work and sleep walk through life. The whole world seems to be moving at a marathon pace and I’m talking a leisurely walk. It finally hit me this morning why that is. My mother died a couple of years back. My whole outlook on life changed though I didn’t realize it at the time. A close friend pointed out that I had been different ever since my mother succumbed to the Big C and I saw that she was right. I believed it was because I had no more nemesis. There is no one left alive that would tear me down to build herself up. I thought I would be happy because that meant I was free to be me. In the vein the Pink Floyd’s The Wall, I could stop building my wall. It’s high enough and thick enough to protect me from whatever.

Oh how wrong I was.

The measurement of my worth as a human being is gone so I no longer feel the need to push myself. I have allowed every aspect of my life to slowly deteriorate; career, marriage and health (I’ve put on about 30 pounds since my mother died). Self motivation is not nearly as powerful a drive (for me anyway) as fending off parental judgement. I don’t know how to move forward without someone I need to prove myself to. I’m an old dog trying to learn new tricks and failing miserably.

So despite my best pharmaceutical efforts, I remain in a rather hostile mood today.  Hey what’s to be angry about?  Some prick is trying to steal my job and my boss is pretty much letting him.  I went in to my boss’s office to get some clarification about my place in the office, but he doesn’t seem interested in hearing my concerns.  That bored look on his face pissed me off and the Xanax I took magically disappeared from my blood stream.  It was a little disconcerting as that has never happened to me before.  Usually Xanax keeps me mellow no matter what.  I guess I’ll just have to learn to control my temper.

I won’t get into the details as I’ve read enough news stories about people being fired for blogging about work.  Let’s just say that a minority-majority workplace is no guarantee that you will be shielded from discrimination.  On the positive side, the incident did remind me of my long term goals and I stuck to my diet instead going out for comfort food.  In fact, now that I really think about it, this could work to my advantage.  If I can get this guy to take over more of my responsibilities, it will leave me more time for career development.  Since I’m looking to leave anyway, why should it matter if he wants my job?  The hard part will be protecting myself until I’m ready to leave.

 

First Lady Laura Bush, the administration’s most vocal opponent of the junta in Myanmar, offered the U.S. response to the cyclone that has killed more than 10,000 in Myanmar. NBC's John Yang reports.

Our government is criticizing another government for its response to a natural disaster?  Pot.  Kettle.  Black.