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    12 September

    I am utterly destroyed.

    My beloved cat plucky took a really bad turn for the worse last night.  She doesn't eat or drink and she's too weak to stand.  I looked in her eyes and all I saw was misery so it's time to let her go.  I've already phoned the vet to see if they can euthanize her today.  God I hate this.  I'm locked up in my boss's office so no one can see me crying.  The last thing I need is someone judging about being so emotional over a pet.
    11 September

    Pets Bring People Together

    This morning I was at the vet with both my cats. The younger one (the black one) had managed to find some string to swallow despite our households best efforts to keep such traditional kitty temptations out of her reach. The vet prescribed a laxative and so we just have to wait. My other fuzzy friend (the gray one) is in much worse condition. She's 14 years old and she's in liver failure. I intend to keep her comfortable and maintain her until she either she's in pain or she stops eating and drinking. I'm not ready to lose her but I suppose I don't have much of a choice. We met three other pet owners at the vet. I can't remember when I've such a pleasant interaction with a bunch of strangers. It's interesting how a love of pets can bring people together.
    04 September

    What is this weird feeling?

    Lately I've been feeling very strange.  I sleep soundly, I haven't had any chest pains, I've even started to eat healthier (not less, just heathlier).  I find myself laughing more easily.  When things don't go well, I only utter a single curse rather than a half hour tirade.  If I didn't know better I'd almost say I was happy.
     
    I think I know why I've such as change in outlook.  I've stopped giving a fuck about my job.  Management and their minions are just fucked up and I don't care anymore.  I'm so grateful.  I used to believe that satisfaction and pride in a job well done was important.  I'm free of those quaint notions.
     
    I'm not going to beat myself up about it taking me so long to come to my senses.  The values instilled by your parents are not easily dislodged from one's psyche.  But with the constant bombardment of stupid assholes who never get called on their shit, any work ethic can be utterly destroyed.  Just make sure you have a therapist and/or alcohol to soothe the pain.  Principles leave a big hole when they've been pried loose.